"Where's this headed?"
3 Questions and a prayer for when we don't know what we're doing.
Psst, before we dive in.
If today leaves you asking questions about hearing God’s voice—why can’t I hear Him? Is that me or God? How can I get out of my head? etc. Then you’ll enjoy the first few episodes of The WildlyKnown Life Podcast as I dive into all our nitty-gritty questions and offer us all an opportunity to listen.
And, you’re most likely reading this in your email but, if you want a cleaner, more intuitive way to connect with me and our community, make sure to download the Substack App. Everything is easier over there and you’ll meet other great thinkers and writers too.
Charlie’s catching squirrels in his dreams again.
We’re both sprawled out by the fire, but while his paws twitch with every escaping Squirrel Nutkin, I fidget with the frustration of not being able to untangle the muddle within me.
The trouble is, I don’t really know what I’m thinking or asking, let alone what I’m doing, where I’m headed or if I even want to end up there.
Big life questions vying for attention with the small decisions of everyday living.
Longings, frustrations, disappointments, and the unignorable urge to escape often sprout from what I’ve affectionately called The Unknowing—a cloud of all that is struggling to be articulated, which remains unanswered and often unsolvable.
Welcome to The Unknowing
This Unknowing, our inability to put shape, form, and boundaries to what’s swirling within and without, drives us to the warm, weighted blanket of comfort and safety or to our go-to anaesthesia of choice. Often to both, in quick succession.
If we’re honest with ourselves - and I’m trying to be with us both - most of us swing dangerously to and fro.
One minute we’re taking healthy, screen-free walks in the woods, chatting with God about the wonders of lichen and moss, or laughing with a friend over cappuccinos. The next, we’re tumbling, Alice-like, into the double helixed vortexes of despair and apathy, sucked away by the combined pull of our understandable longing to stop the world and get off and our physiological hunger for dopamine.
I, for one, fear I’m losing my grip.
In my experience, questions rarely introduce themselves clearly. They simmer and smoulder. Their presence only noticeable in our mood, restlessness, appetite, sleep, or sluggishness.
If only they’d show themselves as neatly articulated sentences bookended by a capital letter and a question mark.
It’s maddening.
Whether your questions are personal, political, social, financial, environmental, spiritual, or a little of everything, welcome to The Unknowning.
It might not be fun, but one thing I'm learning from others (as you can imagine, I’m reading and devouring the wisdom of others who’ve been here, and I’ll share them here and on the podcast in the coming weeks and months) is that it eventually it bears fruit.
New Chapters Require New Prayers
As I navigate this new chapter of life - we’re now fully fledged empty nesters who are no longer leading a church, and are free to be and do anything - I'm floundering in The Unknown once again.
Thankfully, whatever brings us here, we can be assured we’re not the first explorers of the great unknown, nor shall we be the last.
To get us through, here’s a prayer from someone we might not expect to be wandering the confusing landscape of The Unknown.
When we make the prayers of others our own, we join the cry of hearts with others through the ages.
Take a moment to read it through a couple of times and see what resonates or stands out. Is there a word, phrase, or question that speaks to you? Now, take a moment to pray those things back to God, asking what the Spirit might be saying.
Then let’s help each other out in the comments. Here are a few things to think about and share with others
What questions, if you can articulate them, are you struggling with?
Where are you finding help as you navigate The Unknown?
What are you learning?
A Prayer of Unknowing by Thomas Merton
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You does, in fact, please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Amen.
– Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, page 79.
Thanks Niki. I have been struggling with where I am headed next since I got long covid in late 2023. I have struggled with depression most of my life and losing my ability to work has made it worse. I believe God has a plan for me to continue to serve Him. I just have to have patience that it will be revealed when it is the right time. In the meantime I read and grow in my faith through great writers like you.